by Gavan Holden

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Copyright 2012 Gavan Holden


released March 6, 2012

All songs written and performed by Gavan Holden
Recorded and mixed at Keziah Studios in Southport, NC
Cover art picture taken by Amy Shortle



all rights reserved


Gavan Holden Greensboro, North Carolina

From the Greensboro bands Funny Like A Funeral, Basement Life, and Corvids. Gavan's solo-acoustic project began in May of 2011 and has been tauted as dark, melodic, tender and haunting.

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Track Name: These Hands Are Red
Once a pathetic romantic / now a hopeless pathetic / chords bounce apathy off four walls / loaded gun just shy of last call / keep my brain in the basement / it's soaking wet and tasteless / the poison ink drowns the soil in my gut / my roots are tied and knotted up / there's no sign of a rapture / you won't save me from disaster / the cryptic meanings on text / leave bullet holes up and down my back / burn the giving tree / the only green I see are eyes of envy / they go from blue to red / they should be brown from the shit I'm fed / I won't be saved / I can't be saved / depression's got a way / of sneaking up on me / and pulling the wool / leaving nightmares and visions of you / crimson paints the floor / my mind is weak and my eyes are sore / a loaded gun to the head / a revelation that I'm better off dead /
Track Name: Red Black And June
I bleed the choices that I make / to the proverbial grave of grave mistakes / pass the torch, deceasing flame / rise above a disappointed face / crack a smile, dim lit eyes / the ashes will fall, mercury will rise / keep my head under the floor / let the mind rot forever more / spread through the ground and rot away / at every tree that surrounds this place / last night we stood on the roof / collected thoughts of failed pursuits / we can't live like this forever / we breathe a city of wasted sighs / a crash course in ruining lives / we can't feel like this forever / the rain drowns this dying lawn / I'm just a fallen leaf in a muddy pond / as the streets run red from blue / all the way from Tate to 82 / insides exposed and all limbs cut / just the empty trunk of a yellow gut / I swallowed the spider to kill the pain / the babies are born to spread through my veins / they grow and grow and start itching / goddamn there's something I'm missing / I shattered my life into pieces / my life's in pieces /
Track Name: Laundry List
A laundry list of sad excuses / your daddy's left you on the fence / fatal attraction blacks and bruises / you're full of plastic sentiment / I'll lock the door, swallow the key / your DNA rapes the crime scene / the scent of booze, the soiled sheets / girl, you better learn how to settle / I'll always be the bigger man / I'll always be the better fuck / you'll never be content again / girl, you better learn how to settle / the more fingers that graze your skin / you'll have to close your eyes just to get wet / his looks might start to settle in / my touch will always claim the rest / your dead eyes might face the sunrise / but your heart will never heal / the love I sold was all a lie / you better learn to love the way they feel / I'll always be the bigger man / I'll always be the better fuck / you'll never be content again / you'll always be empty in / you better learn / and you'll be a regret / if you keep acting like a slut / you'll cry alone in your bed / you'll never have your self respect / you better learn how to settle / you'll always be empty in your heart /
Track Name: Io
Open your mouth / chew your words and spit them out / cut the dotted line / make your neck a Colombian artifact / relax your throat / sing it out before you choke / a storm raged through your eyes / and now I see I was just an alibi / and it's been raging with the sound of your stereo / I quit praying 'cause I figured you'd never know / what is this disease? / years spent dodging endless debris / now your feet are plants / but you're still a pendulum of an abhorrent romance / the grief will follow your heart / a painful way for you to spend years apart / a storm raged through your eyes / and now I see I was just an alibi / and it's still raging with the sound of your stereo / and I quit praying 'cause I figured you'd never know / and I was just praying for you to see this whole thing through / and yet your gravity still clutches me / causing friction and turbulent skies / spinning endlessly / causing blustery winds of misery / and I quit praying for you to see this whole thing through / but I guess that's something that you'll never do /
Track Name: The Magnolia Tree
Days settled on August nights / clasped hands, clasped so ever tight / as you were looking at me / I realized there was something missing / lives spent unconscious of time / calenders fell and so did the warning signs / that this was one for the books / full of passion and desirable hooks / your lips pressed onto me / that scent from under your Magnolia tree / our bodies danced in your car / while your porch lights flickered off and on and on / there was November rain / and all of Autumn's slow decay / I used my body to shield / yours from the cold draft of the window sill / days and weeks spent apart / in a tour van full of faulty parts / crossing through state lines / just to get back to feel the beat of your heart / the ever glowing lights / forever endless nights / thoughts of brushing limbs / oh baby, can we begin again? / my head is spinning out of orbit / this cadet can hardly fucking stand it / that scent from under your Magnolia tree /
Track Name: Everyone Is Turning On You
Awake from your sleep / it's been weeks on end, swimming the deep end / a catatonic state / your mind and body feel a similar defeat / your eyes flinch and fold / bearing a cross of an empty soul / a burning bush of thoughts / leaving a rift between you and what you want / everyone is turning on you / they're turning on you / the catastrophic sense / it's the sixth one and you can't spend / the time dragging the lake / because it dried up, now only you remain / left counting the days / 'til the end when you account for your sins / what to make of this / what will we make of this / and so it goes / you're just a ghost with a reflection when you pass by a window / with no chance to feel / until you learn to live up to your end of the fucking deal / your birth signed contract / it was notarized and posted on your back /
Track Name: Landscape And Portrait
The landscape or the portrait / which one would you like to be the format? / lend a still shot / to capture your beauty / there's no frame to hold / that smile, you cutie / light glistens in your hair / the sun is your aura / brain and time freeze / the sweet scent / carries the soft breeze / your eyes send meaning / I perceive / mercy me / the landscape or the portrait? /
Track Name: Mama
Mama, I'm sorry / but you procreated with my father / and started mixing blood with water / he mixed pills with vodka / planting those godforsaken seeds / of a rotten apple tree / these are engaging shoulders / but the weight is far too much on my back / I'm a parading panic attack / pass the sins of the father / I hope it wasn't my life's mission / to pass that family tradition / they set out to break my back / my spine is bust, insides bankrupt / full collapse, head not intact / to the stars, I will climb / and then collide / I will collide / swallow the pill / swallow the bullet / swallow the poison / and pray to the toilet / they set out to break my back /
Track Name: Last Call
Hands shaking, white eyes on white walls / lock the door 'til the doctor calls / a faint look on a countertop / I can't hear anything, I don't hear anything / the nurse lets out an untameable sigh / I feel like I'm gonna die / a safe touch of a magazine / I can't hear anything, I don't hear anything / I hit the floor with the drop of a hat / my mind is lost and I want it back / swallow them down, one by one / I can't hear anything, I don't hear anything / and I don't feel anything anymore / these loose lips are sinking ships / and I don't feel anything anymore / these bleeding ears lead to eyes that tear / my mind is cracked like the small of my back / collect thoughts as I try to retract / the medicine to the cowardly host / I can't feel anything, I don't feel anything / canvas shoes on an ivory floor / I saw a ghost come through the door / the time has come for the heavenly home / I can't feel anything, I don't feel anything / it's last call at the bottom again / a cavalry of unnameable sins / a red face with red eyes to match / it's hard to not fall down /
Track Name: The Storm Was Overlooked
We were so naive / to fall with decaying leaves / to believe that we were free / to swim the open sea / to death with our bodies / to vanish with our sleep / you really burned a big bridge / when you decided to jump off of it / washing away with all the fish / maybe your heart finally found a place to live / photographs all across my floor / the memories form to become a touriquet / all you needed was a boat / so you wouldn't have to brave the tide all alone / the captain's been thrown overboard / the crew is lost at sea forevermore / the rope to the anchor has been cut / the wind scurries, the storm was overlooked / the sails will remain at half mast / now we're all alone, we're all alone / there's not gonna be enough time to pass / now we're all alone, we're alone / please make this a dream / or soon it will be me /